MANIC MONDAY....I SWEAR I have a BLACK thumb y'all

OK, it's STILL cold here in the midwest (in fact 15 degrees below average) and I'm getting SPRING FEVER!!! This year I decided to try my hand at starting my seeds indoors....and I HEART the tropics SO what better way to bring the tropics to me than thru plants!?!?! 

Have y'all seen on Pinterest and youtube how "EASY" it is to grow a pineapple plant?!?!? (I tried 2 years ago and FAILED) so after watching the youtube video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b0mhwAJM12U It seemed EASY!!! (maybe his grew because he lives in Key West ...lol).

SO I started with my pineapple top like this (rooting it in water)

2 Weeks later it looks like this....pretty dead and dry looking and 1 root.....

 Do y'all have any experience with this kinda thing?!?!? Should I just pop it in dirt and hope for the best?!?!?

Onto the seeds...last year I had GREAT success with cilantro and basil(top planter)....

June 2013

BUT I sowed the seeds directly outdoors in early May....when I start seedlings indoors they always get wimpy and don't withstand the test of time....So this year I got my potting soil, seed started mix (added about 2 tbsp of ground coffee) and mixed my dirt together....sowed the seeds into 1/8" of the soil as the package suggests....

Covered them with saran wrap to emulate a greenhouse...sprayed with a water bottle so as not to drown the soil...moved them from sunlight spot to sunlight spot all over the house (this is when I start feeling a lil crazy)

 LOOK how wimpy they are!!! Maybe some of you are saying woot woot to green - NOT me....I'm getting FRUSTRATED!! (lil pockets of the dirt are starting to grow mold - probably from the moisture)

SO, to all of you green thumb experts out there - WHAT am I doing wrong?!?!? And what can I do to change the outcome of my sad pitiful plants?!??!